To Homeschool or Not to Homeschool????

I have had an interesting journey in the area of homeschooling. I have been dead set against it since I can remember thinking about it at all. I know I made mental notes when I worked with homeschooled kids in church. They seemed like social misfits. I remember thinking how sad it was that a 12 year old girl would stare in wonder at all the other 12 year old girls who were public shoolers, and not have a thing to say to them. She sat with me and told me of her pottery class, and books she was reading. I thought to myself, "I am never going to homeschool!" I didn't want my kids turning out like freaks, who can't talk to others their age. I thought "This poor girl isn't going to have all the great memories I have from childhood." Silly things like, fighting to sit on the heater in the classroom because we were cold and waiting for the teacher. My "I love Robby" club, where we actually trained to chase him, running around the track, and practicing our long jumps, I kid you not! Taking care of our egg babies for a week so as not to break them, and then designing some apparatus that would keep it safe when the teacher launched it off of the balcony. (Mine didn't make it, in case you are wondering.) I remember lunch times with my friends where we would talk about all kinds of things. One teacher did this cool thing where he actually put us through a lite version of boot camp and taught us to march, clean rifles, and do other military things. There are so many cool memories of school. But what I realize, is I can make sure to provide those cool memories for my kids. How much cooler would it be if my kids fondest memories like that, involved me, their mother. How much cooler would it be, if my kids fondest memories like that were my fondest memories as well.
I, unfortunately, seem to be very selfishly driven. My biggest reason for not wanting to homeschool lately, has been not wanting my kids home anymore. I wanted my time to myself. "2011 will be a good year" I always have said. (my 2 youngest turn 5 then, old enough for all day kindergarten) My husband was really in favor of homeschool, and I shot him down. I think my exact words were, "No. I am NOT doing homeschool. I do not want my kids at home all day. I am not giving up my time. My time to myself is important. If I don't have it, I will not be a good mom. I can't do it. It's not an option." ME, ME, ME, ME, ME. Isn't that nice!
Well, for the last month or two, I have been going through this interesting struggle. I joined a homegroup at my church. Half of the couples there either homeschoolers, or are seriously considering it, or have decided but haven't started yet. There are only 6 couples, so really there is just one couple in each of those three categories. Anyhow, they have been constantly talking about it. All the while, I am listening, thinking, "good for them, I am not interested." Then I started feeling completely defensive because they seemed as though they thought less of others who sent their kids to public schools. Now before you misunderstand me, I don't actually believe they thought that of me or anyone else now. I believe my conspiracy theories were imagined by my own conscience feeling less of myself for wanting to send my kids away. The more I heard from them, the more I felt convicted.
The woman who does homeschool got an earful from me about how "I could never do homeschooling" and how "I am just not as organized as her", and "not gifted in the teaching department", and how "I really am not patient enough to do it". "I need to mature more before ever considering homeschooling.", I told her. I might as well have said "It would not be as easy for me, as it is for you". Frankly, I have to give her props for holding her toungue when she probably wanted to strangle me and knock some sense into me. I am sure that she had to work very hard to get where she is now, and will have to continue to work very hard to get better, as none of us are perfect. She probably felt the same about this as I do when people say, "Your kids are so well behaved, you are lucky to have such easy kids.", or my personal favorite "Your twins were full term, and big and healthy? Most people don't have it that easy."
So a week after my conversation with her, which was really just, more or less, me telling her all the reasons homeschooling was easy for her but not for me, and her looking at me like "OK, thanks for sharing, I never asked", I went to a scrapbooking nite with the other 2 ladies involved in the whole "to homeschool or not to homeschool" dilema. They got to talking and I felt the urge to ask a bunch of questions. My attitude was that of wanting to prove my points correct, that it wasn't for me. I asked the lady who has decided to homeschool what her pro's were, since I could think of few that were important to me. She told me about how much time was being wasted in her child's school. Now at first I am thinking, "Yes, but my kids are going to the best school in the state", but it turns out her kids go to the same school. She shows me her daughter's schedule where I see "centers", where they seperate the "smartest" kids from the not so "smartest" kids to do different activities. Now I am all for competition, but my teachers thought I was slow. Turns out I was bored by their [far to easy] assignments. Same thing happened to my husband, who is easily the smartest person I know. We would have been at the "not so smartest" kids table, which would have made it even worse. Same thing happened to this lady's daughter. Not to mention the wasted time, as the teacher spends 15 minutes in each of the 4 groups, the other 45 minutes are just fooling around.
I started to think about how the teachers already think my son can't talk well and isn't quite there with the ability to pray, sing and other things that he does very well at home. Let me just give you an example of a conversation I had with my son. He was playing with two empty boxes. I stepped in one and started sliding it around. My 3 year old son said "What are we doing here?" I said, "I am just exploring the possibilities" His reply was, "Maybe you could explore the possibilities somewhere else." Now I know I probably shouldn't let my son talk to me like that, but this is a 3 year old. Does that sound like a 3 year old who can't talk very well? His said this all, clear as a bell by the way. He can sing many songs, beginining to end, with almost perfect pitch. He prays at the dinner table, albeit thanking God for ice cubes every time, but none-the-less. He isn't being recognized in the classroom because he's one of 15 kids. The teacher doesn't know my child. How could she? She hardly has time to interact with him one-on-one. Therefore how could she properly asses my child's interests and build on them. The answer is, she can't! But I can!
But I have to tell you, what changed my heart, was when the other woman who is still considering it mentioned being submissive to her husband's wishes. This is one of those areas that I am big on, but yet, I totally overlooked it on this subject. I basically shut the door in his face and said I wouldn't even consider it. The crazy thing is, when I realized this and let go to the idea because I wanted to allow my husband to lead, God literally changed my heart over night. I am now all for it. I no longer have any urge to get rid of my kids. I am so excited to keep them at home and do MY job. I am so happy that I have the honor of doing so. What a privilege to be there teacher. I honestly can't wait to get started. Of course now that I am on board, my husband is not ready to jump in. He is very cautious, but I will just have to wait it out and pray that God's will will be done, and rest knowing that it will.